Dear MS PAM,
I just received my first grant, and I am kinda overwhelmed with how much work I am expected to do. I had hoped that I would be able to use this money to build up my portfolio, but based on the deliverables expected of me in order to collect the award, I am going to have to take time off from my job in order to make this happen. There aren’t enough hours in the day! I am in tears. Should I return the grant and keep supporting my art myself, through my meager hourly job? How do other artists survive this, and what good are grants with so many strings attached?
Stringing Me Along
First of all, let me extend my heartfelt congratulations on receiving your first grant! This is a significant milestone in your artistic career, and it’s perfectly normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions.
I understand why you might feel overwhelmed. With fewer and fewer unrestricted grants available, the allure of building an impressive portfolio with obtainable funding is enticing. Sometimes, we just throw our hat in the ring because the odds seem so slim that our application will rise to the top. And yet, here you are, the proud recipient of an award—where the strings attached seem to pull you in directions you hadn’t anticipated. You’re in a bit of a pickle, but there are worse problems to have.
Before you consider returning your grant, let’s take a moment to breathe and remember that art is not just about the product but also about the process. The deliverables have a way of feeling like you’re inside a pressure cooker, for sure. Perhaps you can carve out dedicated time each week, even amidst your job, to focus on fulfilling these requirements? It might feel like a juggling act, but many artists have danced this jitterbug before you, finding creative ways to balance their passions with practicalities.
Consider reaching out to fellow artists or mentors. They might offer insights or strategies that could lighten your load or even inspire you to approach the project with renewed insight. Grants, while seemingly laden with expectations, can open doors to opportunities and connections that are invaluable. Ultimately, the decision to return the grant is up to you. Weigh the potential benefits against the immediate stress. If it’s too overwhelming to manage and won’t provide any added benefit to your practice, don’t feel pressured to keep it. The fact that you received the grant shows you’re more than capable of receiving many more. Plus, there are smaller grants out there, specifically for funding specialized projects, that would help expand your portfolio. Research, trust yourself, and prioritize your peace and mental health. Every artist has their own way of making it work. You’re well on your way to finding what that looks like for you!
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Dear MS PAM,
I caught another artist stealing my ideas recently. They have a much larger following than I do, and it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know the artist personally, and I don’t follow them. Should I call them out? Tell my friends to go call them out? I hate that this happens. It makes me not want to share (or even make) work in the first place.
The Real Deal
Ah, yes, the age-old struggle of artists and creatives alike—when inspiration crosses the fine line into imitation! Fuck flattery…That. Shit. Sucks.
Yes, it’s tempting to confront this artist. When a creator, especially one with a larger audience, appears to siphon your ideas, it can feel like a personal affront. But before you consider calling them out or rallying your friends for a social media crusade, take a beat.
The art world is often interconnected, and sometimes what feels like theft might simply be a case of parallel thinking—a phenomenon that happens more often than we’d like to admit. That said, a blatant ripoff is another story, especially when you’ve been working tirelessly and authentically building something new and original, and it’s stolen right before your eyes. Either by an individual with a larger spotlight or, worse, a massive corporation like Amazon or Urban Outfitters.
Unless they have the funds to go head-to-head, most artists end up on the losing end of such battles. That said, you should research “affordable” legal services available for artists; they do exist. If you possess sufficient evidence, you might have a viable case.
On the other hand, there are many smart and effective ways to call out an artist for plagiarism, and I’ll let you figure that out on your own. In the meantime, I know it can stick in your craw, hindering your desire to keep creating out of fear of being ripped off. Don’t let it! Let this experience fuel your practice rather than extinguish it. Find clever ways to balance how you share your work alongside the boundaries that are needed to maintain control over how it circulates. It’s a challenge worth taking on to keep you on your toes and not a puddle on the floor.
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Dear MS PAM,
I’m a 36-year-old Seattle man looking for long-term love. I don’t have a super-inflated ego, but I do think I’m a pretty good catch: stable job, good to my friends, romantic at heart—one of those ill-fated “good guys.” A few months ago, I met someone on the dating apps, we hit it off, and things were getting kind of serious. The hitch: My job (which I love) is super social and involves being around lots of people and parties and events. I post about it a lot on my socials (also kinda part of the job), and that’s where things get sticky. She says she feels intimidated by my social life, and doesn’t like that I’m around other people—including plenty of women—all the time. She ended up pulling away because of it.
What can I do to prevent this from happening in the future, without sacrificing my job, my joy, my self? How can I assure a woman that my heart is as big as my personality and social life?
Mr. Big
All right, Mr. Big. Without exactly knowing your line of work, it’s tricky for me to advise how to convince your Carrie Bradshaw not to be intimidated by your social life. It seems like there is a wild-card factor that is turning your potential partners off.
That said, communication is key! Moving forward, consider having open and honest conversations with potential partners about your lifestyle. Explain that your social engagements are part of your job and that they don’t diminish your feelings for her. Reassure her that your heart is dedicated to building a strong relationship, even if it means being around others.
It’s okay to take it slow. There is no need to overwhelm your potential suitors. Perhaps start by inviting them into your world in small doses. Share what you love about your job and give her tangible examples of why you need to be so publicly engaged, but also set aside quality time just for the two of you. She’ll feel more secure in your relationship and less threatened by your social life. Also, be open to hearing her concerns, and work together to find a balance that respects both your needs.
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Dear MS PAM,
What’s your secret for always being “on” when you’re out? Especially when you’re down and out? Socializing, networking, and being seen is all part of the job, but it’s not easy to always be sparkling so hard. Tips, please!
Off and On
Forget about all that and just be yourself, Off and On. The act of “being on” when you’re out is purely performative. For that, I suggest taking an acting or improvisational class. Some people are naturally more overt and charismatic in social settings; others are more reserved, laid-back observers. It can be difficult not to judge or give in to the urge to compare yourself to others, thinking you’re not sparkling hard enough. Relax and be present in the moment. If you made the effort to attend an event when you’re down and out, celebrate that triumph! Give yourself a few kind words for gracing everyone with your presence. Observe and make an effort to have engaging conversations with the people around you. You’ll leave those exchanges feeling more connected and less socially drained. Networking is tedious enough without the added pressure of an Oscar-worthy performance.
Style influencer, fashion icon, and, of course, artist extraordinaire: Tariqa Waters, founder of Martyr Sauce Pop Art Museum & Gallery, effortlessly wears these titles like a true royal. Catch her exhibit, Venus is Missing, at Seattle Art Museum (May 7-Jan. 5, 2025) and preorder a copy of her forthcoming book, Who Raised You? A Martyr Sauce Guide to Etiquette, at Minor Matters Books.
Logo credit to Kaelau Aoae & 9 Coleman-Harvey.